What GQ Won't Tell You About Mens' Issues.

It's strange how certain issues - very broad, common issues that afflict most human beings - can mysteriously become taboos. Most of these taboos are related to, but not limited to, bodily functions. As an example, sharting (or as my resident etymologist explains, taken from Austronesian origins, 'shit-farting') is almost never discussed, as it's rather embarrassing to soil yourself; but it's safe to say that most hard-drinking young adults have done it at least once. One of my friends has sharted while she was figure skating; another discreetly performed the act at a packed house party - in which his underpants were tossed into a tree. As for myself, I've personally caught myself prior to a job interview. Per my discussions about sharting (discussion which don't occur nearly as often as they should), I've found that once the shart taboo is breached, floodgates open - stories come pouring in, social barriers crumble, genuine conversation ensues, and an authentic sense of community is formed amongst all involved.

Now, of course, sharting is one of many, many taboos. Maintaing a set of taboos can be dangerous and frustrating - it creates a constructed separation between your private and public life. In zones deemed private, you find relaxation - as you no longer have to expel the effort required to enshroud the taboo aspects of your lifestyle. But in return for creating a private / safe haven, your public life becomes an absolute nightmare: the instant you exit your private sphere, you are constantly an actor in a schizophrenic film noir nightmare; you are concealing an ugly secret that (you hope) no one is aware of; you are dodging questions and people that might expose your fraudulence; you are a fugitive on the run from authenticity. The paranoia becomes inescapable. And that's no way to live.

And as disappointing as a shattered public life might be, it's even more disappointing that a large bulk of men's issues are considered shameful and concealed to mens' private lives. Viagra commercials, for example, are only able to promote their product via implication; while not specifically mentioning erectile dysfunction, they promote the benefits of a fully-functioning penis: women skipping through the streets, men clicking their heels, people flying kites, petting random dogs in the streets, etc.

And most men, knowingly or unknowingly, are victimized by taboo mens' issues. There are no mens' support groups for what can be very, very alarming, upsetting mens' issues, which means that men must attack these issues on their own - making some very simple, common, issues appear to be daunting. Men are taught to revile and loathe their bodies and their bodily functions; I assume that this is why so many men religiously work out, as sculpting their muscles is one aspect of their bodies that they can control. But, men are still silently victimized by ever-growing hairlines, sagging spare-tire guts, pre-mature ejaculation, whiskey-dick, whiskey-dick-without-the-whiskey, genital warts, and, eventually, kidney stones and hemorrhoids. These are all run-of-the-mill health issues, but men are made to be ashamed of them. If women exist in a culture of self-loathing, men exist in a culture of fear.

And the scariest part of the man's culture of fear is that there is no support. Like Fight Club, the first rule of mens' issues is you never, ever, talk about them. This ensures that mens' issues remain obscured; men feel shamed, alone; problems are never addressed or rectified.

Until Sub Pop's Pissed Jeans released their sophomore LP, Hope For Men. And, with a decisive subtle, noisy-punk rock victory, Pissed Jeans reminded us that these is, indeed, hope for men.

Pissed Jeans tackles the covert authenticity of our private lives in 'Fantasy World,' where singer Matt Corvette frantically (almost desparately) screams that 'I'm a special guy in my fantasy world.' While meant to be pathetic or desparate, it's a hugely resonant lyric. In dealing with the daily shame, frustration, and the machinations of day-to-day living, Corvette turns his focus to ice cream on 'I've Always Got You (Ice Cream). 'Just a taste and all my troubles fall behind,' laments Corvette, 'Sweet bowl of sugar is there to ease my mind.' And, to give any further indication of the topical content covered by Pissed Jeans, Hope for Men features song titles such as 'People Person,' 'Secret Admirer,' 'A Bad Wind,' 'Caught Licking Leather,' and 'The Jogger.' Interpret those as you may.

It's irrelevant what these songs sound like, or what your particular preferences in music are; you don't even have to listen to this record to know that it's important.

And, I'll elaborate: there are good records, important records, and seminal records - records that, supposedly spawned like-minded offspring, but truthfully, are either good or important records that no one really listens to. Now, good records don't necessarily have to be important, and important records don't have to be good, and really, seminal records don't have to be either.

Good records are records that typically have singular appeal, but do not hold any broader significance - outside of being, perhaps, associated with very user-specific, particular memories, they have little impact on our collective psyche / memory, nor are they considered to memorable. These records these are records that people often defend by saying that they're 'fun,' but few actually hold any pretensions that the record will be memorable. Weezer's Maladroit is a good record.

Seminal records are records that, oftentimes, constitute the Credibility Records section of your album collection. By definition, or so my etymologist tells me, seminal records are the seed that spawned bands, conventions, movements. These are records that, while you may not ever listen to them, have had a hand in shaping genre-specific conventions of music. They don't have to be good, but a certain segment of musicians had to have noticed, emulated, and drawn success from seminal records. The Yardbirds are a seminal band, Black Flag's My War is a seminal record; the Beatles' 'Helter Skelter' is a seminal song.

But important records differ from both good records and seminal records. They're records that hold significance that often transcends music; they are the product of movements, they possess meaning in contexts that are both more broad and more specific than the contexts that we usually allot to musicians. In positing that Radiohead's Kid A is the unofficial soundscape of 9/11, I'm guessing that Chuck Klosterman, in Killing Yourself to Live, is arguing that it is an important record. Despite the fact that Oi! group Skrewdriver wrote white supremacist music, their racist catalogue is the most important part of their musical careers: they came to be the soundtrack to not only racist skinheads, but reflective of the modern neo-Nazi movement. These are albums, that, as Plato notes, are dangerous albums who give, in his words, 'sovereignty [to] the audience' from social norms: they are albums that infiltrate listeners, lowers their listeners' guard, and influences (or controls!) the very way in which they construct or de-construct reality. And make no mistake, Pissed Jeans created an absolute coup of an album.

I reiterate: Pissed Jeans' Hope for Men is an important record. They are Bikini Kill for disenfranchised, aging men; their sludgy punk rock is the new riot grrl!. They are the singular voice of the voiceless. Godspeed, Pissed Jeans.

EDIT: Arab Strap's 'There is No Ending,' from their excellent album The Last Romance, is also an excellent novice mens' issues song.