Cancanon Fridays: How to Lose a Fight with a Conservative

I suspect that many aspiring musicians are only aspiring musicians part of the time – really, they’re aspiring to be tastemakers. Musicians surely recognize their art as product, and this surely impacts the way that they produce and market music. Although albums are, as a sum of parts, a collection of songs, artwork, sometimes pieces of artwork, vinyl and plastic, and sometimes contain a loose narrative, they are marketed as lifestyle indicators. When record-purchasers listen to new records, there’s the implicit understanding that these records come with codes of conduct and peripheral lifestyle accessories.

Now, when I speak of lifestyle accessories, I am referencing a wide range of products and non-products, including (but not limited to) fashion, art, and most importantly to me, literature. While there are bands that are considered vaguely ‘literary’ – the Decemberists come to mind as a band that is constantly referenced as ‘literary,’ and bands such as Wilco and the Weakerthans are widely considered ‘bookish,’ whatever that means – there are also groups that specifically champion their literary tastes as part of their lifestyle packaging.

As an example, the Hold Steady include Jack Kerouac as a literary accompaniment (see: Boys and Girls in America). Modest Mouse champions Charles Bukowski. And, based on Panopticon, it would appear that Isis are Michel Foucault fans (though I’ve never really seen the connection). Each of these bands not only cites a different writer as a prime influence, but is also unknowingly selling literature as lifestyle decision – one that has already been made is listening to their records.

On my walk home from work yesterday, I noticed that Chuck Klosterman’s new (and first) novel, Downtown Owl, was featured prominently in their window display. Now, I’m a Klosterman fan – though not as huge a fan as some would have you believe – but I do feel like he’s an incredibly entertaining writer and a complete whiz at folk-psychology. So, I decided to stop in to pick up a copy; this might have made me this first person to ever purchase a book in Urban Outfitters.

And there’s a good reason for that: they had a terrible selection of books. Perhaps in an attempt to capture the literary consensus of basement-bachelor dwelling city-dwellers (such as myself), they did have a few Bukowski and Kerouac selections. But, more troublingly, they had a disturbingly large collection of post-ironic coffee table books and survival guides, including a personal favourite, How to Win a Fight with a Conservative.

Now, as a de-facto lifestyle marketplace, I’m puzzled at the type of a lifestyle Urban Outfitters is marketing. Now, while I’d made the (probably unfair) assumption that Urban Outfitters innocently touted the benefits of listening to MGMT, plagiarizing art for print-tees (see: to the left), and marking up plastic sunglasses, I’d never considered that they’d be promoting a political philosophy.

So, if there are indeed those who make lifestyle choices based on the records they listen to, what lifestyle choices are being offered by Urban Outfitters? Let’s look to the description of How Win a Fight with a Conservative, taken from the Urban Outfitters website:

How to Win a Fight With a Conservative is the ultimate survival guide to arguing politics, filled with cunning strategies and damning facts guaranteed to bait and baffle right-wing blowhards everywhere. With the presidential election approaching, this irreverent yet practical guide is essential reading for unpracticed neophytes and seasoned politicos alike - the perfect primer for anyone who's ever fantasized about smacking sense into a misguided conservative adversary. With the help of the tips and tricks in this book, we'll show you how to confidently tangle with conservatives in any situation - from surviving family sparring matches to engaging in Internet flame wars, or even what to do if you're sleeping with the enemy. If you're tired of right-wing nut jobs and their nonsense, it's time to do your part to defend America, one argument at a time. Imported. Wipe clean.

Now, correct me if I’m mistaken, but I’m of the understanding that a personal political philosophy is developed based on a mix of faith, research, and discourse. But, it’s good to know that as UO lifestyle patrons, unpractised neophytes can bait and baffle right-wing blowhards at will, fast-tracking the research and introspection. And, paired with your personal volume knob and an irreverent yet practical guide, there will be no mistaking the UO lifestyle patron for um, a blowhard.

I’m all for incorporating a political philosophy into a packaged lifestyle, and I am confident that a handy survival guide is the best introduction to the wide world of political debate or an Internet flame war (what’s that?). If the Hold Steady promote the merits of vagabond travelers and Modest Mouse promote the merits of lovable skids, Urban Outfitters promotes the benefits of the under-educated liberal (what?) lifestyle.

So, maybe it’s best to leave the taste-making to tastemakers with taste: now, I’m no tastemaker, but the Rheostatics sure are. And, as part of their lifestyle package, they’ve included Paul Quarrington on their reading lists (while you’re gorging yourself on beaver tails, maple syrup, and Acadian poutine). And when I’m finished with reading How to Fight with a Conservative, sexing up Tories, and dominating Internet Flame Wars, maybe I’ll pick up Quarrington’s Galveston. And then, maybe, I’ll watch the Rheostatics video below. And maybe I’ll dig a little deeper into the Cancanon.



The Rheostatics - Legal Age Life at the Variety Store

See, it's difficult to determine which lifestyle decisions the Rheostatics promote. Aside from Paul Quarrington, my favourite Rheos song seems to imply that 'the things that make you roar' are the things that can be purchased at 'legal age... at the Variety store.' And, full-blooded Quebecois that I am, I can only assume that they're heavy proponents of skoal, Colt 45, and pornography. This is a lifestyle I can unabashedly support.



Econoline Crush - Nowhere Now

Econoline Crush are the forward-thinking futurists of the group of bands highlighted on this week Cancanon offering. When released in 1995, Econoline Crush were clearly dazzled by the limitless potential of virtual reality - to the point where they'd even envisioned combining virtual reality with their first love, motorcycles. By 2008, Trevor Hurst and co. probably envisioned virtual motorcycles, hoverboards, and escalators to the moon; instead, they're still performing this song in Durham Region basements.



Big Wreck - That Song

Now, if we're talking about the today's real visionaries, Big Wreck must be considered. I unabashedly enjoy this song, and wished better fortune for Big Wreck: if they'd released this song several years later, they might have been able to ride the post-grunge wave to Nickelback-ian heights.



The Tea Party - The Bazaar

It's a little easier to decipher the lifestyle package that the Tea Party are offering. It's called the Burning Man Festival.



The New Pornographers - My Slow Descent into Alcoholism

As this week's contemporary pick, it would appear that the New Pornos, much like Modest Mouse, are supporters of a Bukowski lifestyle. The very fact that they've named alcoholism in the title of the song indicates that they are fiercely defensive (and, maybe even proud) of their alcoholism. Add wonderful ginger Neko Case to the mix, and voila: one of my favourite songs in recent memory.