Monday, October 6, 2008

I'll always love you though, Toronto (Toronto, Toronto)


I've been recently notified that I’m featured in the Style Scout portion of Toronto fashion blog Shedoesthecity. This is a huge personal victory for me; not only because I’ve been vying for the fashion world’s waifish gaze for years, but because this represents the first step in what will undoubtedly be my rapid ascension to the top of the blogosphere.

See, much like everything else that matters, most seasoned bloggers will tell you that the most important part about blogging is being seen. Yes, there is a neat little benefit package that comes with blogging: voicing your unique opinions in an unmoderated forum, gaining a readership via a completely democratic medium, providing news and opinions that wouldn’t normally be accessible via traditional media, and of course, the limousine pedicures, and mountains of free vice / dirty money that flow in every time you hit that magical ‘publish post’ button.

Yes, these are all nice, peripheral benefits to blogging; but the true raison d’etre for the serious, career-minded blogger is visibility. As bloggers, we don’t do it for the money, and we certainly don’t do it to contribute to the relentless flow of information; we do it for the recognition. We blog to be revered, to be imitated, to be scorned, and to be recognized – not for our writing or expository talents – but we want our faces stenciled onto public monuments, our names on protest banners, and we want the fearful respect of children. We want pets to act strange around us. We want a slimy, buttery escargot-wake of slander and paparazzi to trail every step and mis-step.

We do this to be seen. And, heavens, I have finally been seen. In case you haven’t heard, I am now officially a man-about town; I am basically Toronto’s Ryan Adams. No, scratch that: I am Ryan Adams.

And, now that I’ve been recognized, this basically means that my days of self-deprecation and self-loathing are now indexed in history books. See, I love Ryan Adams, and it’s very exciting to realize that I’ve finally become him. Now, you see, I’m the former singer of acclaimed country-punk band Whiskeytown, and I 'm taking artistic credit for their discography. I’m sleeping with Winona Ryder; or, if we’re going to get local, possibly FeFe Dobson. Greig Nori wants to manage me. I will unrepentantly hush rooms with drug-fuelled blowups. And, I will start off my solo career with a bang, opening my first two solo records with bangers like ‘To be Young’ and ‘New York (New York).’ In fact, here are recorded proofs of me performing the aforementioned songs near my beach house / yacht dry-dock in St.Maarten (I'm the guy with the guitar).







Thank you, Style Scout of Shedoesthecity, for noticing this humble blogger's Heartbreaking Gold. I’ll always love you, Toronto.

0 comments: