Pink Triangle, Honestly!

DISCLAIMER: For the post below, I make a whole bunch of assertions from perspectives that I'm entirely not authorized to convey. If I'm completely off the mark, I apologize in advance.

One of the worst things about being the first Internet-generation is the impact that pornography has made on our generation's collective worldview. Or, more specifically, the bedroom-expectations that my generation has developed with the omnipresence and accessibility of pornography.

Now, I’m no puritan, and I’m not ignoring the benefits of pornography – it satiates a biological function, has driven technology to new levels, and allows you to see people undress for you who, under any other normal circumstance, would recoil in doing so. Even within the very specific context of pornography, there are vagabond personalities in pornography, like Chris Hogan at Brazzers.com, who are pushing the creativity and hilarity frontiers to levels surpassing the Western and Space (read: not the final) frontiers. We owe a great debt to this particular brand of porn auteur for ‘funny-sex,’ a liberating activity that has replaced ‘awkward sex’ and has opened doors for ‘out-of-league partners.’

But certain brands of Internet pornography have raised expectations to unrealistic levels. The cliché that ‘anything can be found on the Internet’ has proven to be true, and has led to an overblown specialization, a highly-specific branding of sexual our desires. We’ve placed our excessive boredom and the resulting need to compartmentalize into our bedrooms – and the results have been horrific. For example, those who decide that they’ve fetishized clown-on-nun sex have no shortage of jerk-fodder online; but when it comes to the expectations they place on someone once they’ve convinced them behind closed doors, will their partner willingly consent to toting a clown wig or bible?

This is most evident by those who fetishize lesbians. Due to the wide-spread presence of lesbian porn – and the silent voyeurism of those who watch it – we’re dealing with a full generation of men who not only innately desire lesbians, but somehow feel that they are entitled to either participate with or view lesbian sex. Don’t believe me? Stop a random fellow in the street and ask him what he thinks of lesbians. I’d be willing to bet that the average fella loves lesbians.

I don’t love lesbians. I’m more or less ambivalent to lesbians. If I am to fall in love, it's with individuals whom, hopefully, would return my non-platonic affection. But, however, I can’t expect amorous returns from lesbians because, well, they are simply not interested in non-platonic relationships with heterosexual males. End of story. And I’ve chased my fair share of lesbians (one), and really – I'd never expected ‘conversion’ (and yes, I've met people who really believe it possible); it’s simply apples and oranges. Once determined that she was indeed gay, there an understanding that no amount of effort any single heterosexual male can put into it that will change her mind. Expecting 'conversion' implies that sexual orientation is a choice (and always a choice), and is insulting to both parties; for the 'convertee' it's just a flat-out derision of her sexual orientation, and for the 'converter,' it makes you look like a lobotomized Jesuit missionary.

Even Rivers Cuomo questioned, to of the apple of his lesbian eye, "everyone's a little queer, why can't you be a little straight?"

But her sexual orientation is not a choice and not a matter of persuasion, and no, she will not let you watch. And anyways, if she did let you watch, what would you even be doing? Do people honestly think that two lesbians in the act would consent to an errant penis entering the fray? Since when were people nonchalant about non-consensual sex?

Today’s rant has led me to two conclusions: one, pornography breeds ludicrous expectations; two, I am basically Rivers Cuomo.