When Life Gives You Lemons, Start Lemon-Fights

Minneapolis rap group Atmosphere has suggested that ‘when life gives you lemons, paint that shit gold.’ The more common lemon-related piece of advice, however, is that one should produce lemonade when handed lemons. I find both suggestions problematic.

For one, these all require additional tools and manpower. I ask of Atmosphere: how are we to paint lemons gold without expensive gold paint? And how does this impact your happiness, sense of self-worth, or your actualization? It doesn’t; and this is why no one takes Atmosphere seriously.

The recommendation that one produce life-lemonade seems to make more sense – at first glance. Lemonade can be thirst-quenching, and furthermore, it is often a frequent tool used in my-first-capitalist-ventures. For the aspiring entrepreneur, lemonade signifies the first logical step towards creating a Rockefellan empire. There is resale value for lemonade, and the capitalist, in adding sugar, water, and manpower to lemons, can produce a sometimes-astounding markup on their simple raw materials: lemons.

But of course, in lemonade production, there will always start-up costs – and one must make a much more significant initial investment in lemonade than most fruit juices (such as orange juice, which often needs not be strained, sweetened, or diluted). The aspiring lemonade vendor cannot manufacture his product without sugar, water, receptacles (to store and to distribute servings), or a colander of sorts. Where is one to obtain these additional materials? Hint: the answer is not God.

See: the life-lemon problem is much more complex than initially assumed. The lemon is a fruit – while not devoid of nutritional properties – that is too tart for stand-alone consumption. Unless you already have the means, producing lemonade is not a viable option; and similarly, using lemon for other purposes – such as a garnish (for fish) or as a dressing / marinade – also requires start-up costs. This is where the life-lemonade advice fails.

REAL TALK: If life gives you lemons, start lemon-fights with other lemon proprietors. That is the only thing that one can do solely with lemons, but maybe there is a strange utility derived from lemon-fights. And always count yourself as fortunate – some aren’t even afforded lemons.

I am beginning to understand Elliott Smith’s motives.